Not only did I predict the first endzone pick thrown by Cutler in the first half, I predicted the last endzone pick thrown by Cutler with 8 seconds left to play in the game. 

Next Sunday I will be in Chicago to watch my Bears play the hometown Eagles in Soldier Field, my first trip to Chi-town and the Bears sanctuary since August 2001.  Suffice to say, I am not looking forward to this game.  Sure, Chicago is one of my top 5 favorite cities.  But the “professional football team” which represents it has me praying for turbulence on my flight home like Ed Norton in Fight Club.

Here’s what makes a professional football team (let’s call them the “Chicago Bears” for funnsies) painfully average/slightly dreadful:

-dumb penalties (check)
-an inability to sustain drives because of a putrid offensive line and, yes, more dumb penalties to kill said drives (check)
- a special teams where the only impact players are the punter and the kicker (check)
- no true #1 wide receiver but a plethora or 2′s and 3′s (check)
- the pass rush of a three-legged house cat (check)
-giving up big plays on third down like clockwork (check)
-a quarterback with a rocket arm and all-world skills who has such low confidence in his offensive line (where Death By Nose Tackle seems all too real), his running back (Matt Forte is the new Enis/A-Train/Salaam but with a bland name), his receivers (my dad seriously wants to pick up Joey Galloway — when a 40 year old receiver who can’t play for the Patriots seems like a good idea…..), and his defense to keep a lead that he overcompensates by, and I hate these cliche, “doing too much” and “not letting the game come to him”.  In other words, he throws the ball to the other goddamn team 2-4 times a game because his goddamn teammates ain’t worth a damn, and he knows it, and THEY know it.

I’ll tell you what though…if the Bears had played that kind of game with anyone else but the Niners (or Browns, Rams, Chiefs, Raiders, etc) last night, they would’ve lost 38-6, and it would not have even been that close.

The Bears are now 4-5.  To quote Bull Durham, it’s amazing they even won 4 after watching that flaming piece of dog poo last night.

At least Lance Briggs put a hurtin’ on some folks.  Too bad the rest of the Bears are playing like Jason Biggs right now (no pie rape).