For the latest installment of Lady Killer, Nicole has decided to celebrate the Vernal Equinox a full 8 days early.  You, the faithful reader and haiku swallower, stay winning.

 

Heard it’s your birthday.

Wish that I could give a shit.

Here’s a greeting card.

 

You’re one year older,

And one more closer to death.

So, you wanna fuck?

 

I thought you were fat

But it turns out you’re knocked up.

Oh, and you’re still fat.

 

Bespectacled boys:

Four eyes are better than two.

Watch me suck your dick.

 

You’re sick? What’s that mean?

Is that just code for Herpes?

No? Um, check your lip.

 

You had a baby.

I wish I could find the words.

Oh, here goes: That sucks.

 

Want you in my life,

Just not in my apartment.

We are so over.

 

Talking about you

Is something that you enjoy.

I can’t say the same.

 

The sound of your voice

Makes the size of your dick seem

Way less offensive.

 

No, seriously,

Be my date for this wedding,

And handjobs ensue.