If you read the Watchmen wikipedia page, you learn that Terry Gilliam, director of 12 Monkeys, Brazil, and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, said the book was “unfilmable.”   This was in the the mid 90s, when Arnold Schwarzeneggar was an ideal choice to play Dr. Manhattan by producer Joel Silver.   Kill yourself.

I read the complete Watchmen graphic novel 2 years ago and haven’t picked it up since.  It was so visceral and outstanding, I literally was awestruck after closing the back cover.  It was like drinking a beautifully aged wine, then putting it back in the cellar, locking the door, and keeping it in your memory as the best wine you’ll have. 

When I found out the guy who directed 300 was taking a crack at the movie, a film passed over by Gilliam, Paul Greengrass (the last 2 Jason Bourne movies), and Darren Aronofsky (Requiem for a Dream, The Wrestler), you could say I was a bit “perturbed” at the minimum.  “Fucking shook down to my Nike’s” is another way to say it.  ”Aching for a meat cleaver to visit my jugular” is a the most truthful analogy. 

Zack Snyder though was something none of these guys were–a genuine fan of Alan Moore and David Gibbons’ masterpiece.  The movie succeeds because Snyder mostly sticks to the script: shooting the movie in order, almost frame by frame from the book, with a cast of mostly unknowns who don’t detract from characters they are playing (save Silk Spectre II, played by the wooden Malin Akerman).  Rorshach’s journals narrate the film as they did the book, and Dr. Manhattan’s nuclear powered ding-a-ling is on full to display.  Party.

I purposely avoided all reviews of the movie before seeing it.  Reading them now, it seems like people who didn’t read the book didn’t enjoy the movie.  I’m not going to give a full breakdown of plot and character development.  I will say that Watchmen features some of the rawest, bone popping violence this side of Kill Bill 1, the hairiest philosophical quandries of superhero/villain since The Dark Knight, and the truest adaption of comic book frame to movie screen since Sin City.  At 2 and a half hours, you get a great sense of what makes up the the most compelling characters: Rorshach, Dr. Manhattan, and the Comedian.  You get a phenomenal opening montage that sums up the first 30 pages of the book in 10 minutes of film time, complete with Bob Dylan’s “The Times Are A Changin’”.  The slower parts of the book are left for the deluxe DVD, and the alternate ending won’t scorn the loins of a million Comic Con fanboys. 

I strongly suggest reading the book first, or at least renting the animated stories On Demand before seeing the movie for a more complete idea of exactly how the alternate comic book world of Watchmen rotates under the third term of Richard Nixon, the banning of super heroes, the threat of nuclear war with Russia, and the confounding prison that is ever normal life for super heroes who hang up the cape and tight leggings.  Just know that I’m already claiming Rorshach as my Halloween costume this year.  Fall back!

*1 Stallone Clap = Stop or My Mom Will Shoot
 2 Stallone Claps = Demlotion Man
 3 Stallone Claps = Cop Land
 4 Stallone Claps = Rocky